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Malaysian Chinese Party (MCA) Top Guns Pay Surprise Visit To Menara Star

Malaysian Chinese Party Leaders Visit Menara Star


Filed under: Talking Pictures, , , ,

Beloved Malaysian Prime Minister Gives Important Explanation on Why RON 95 Petrol, Diesel and LPG Prices Were Not Increased

The situation in the small press room was tense in anticipation of the important explanation by the beloved Prime Minister of Malaysia. Reporters from around the world had gathered here from morning to secure vantage positions. The poor ventilation and the dilapidated air-conditioning made the situation in the room even more unpleasant. Everyone was sweating and some could be seen sticking their heads out the window to get some fresh air. The Prime Minister is expected to give an important explanation on why the RON95 petrol prices were not increased.

Suddenly the side door to the room opened and a bodyguard briskly walked in followed by the beloved Malaysian Prime Minister Nabij Razik, flanked by few other bodyguards and officials. We understand the Prime Minister arrived from Tokyo Disneyland. The reporters became frantic and were hurriedly pulling out their voice recorders and note pads. Everyone rushed to the front to get closer to the rostrum.

The Prime Minister was by now positioned at the rostrum. He looked hard across the room at all the reporters gathered there. The room was quiet all of a sudden with only whispers heard every now and then. “Wow, it is true what they say about his cherry-red lips. First time I am seeing it up close,” one reporter was heard whispering to his friend.

“The plight of my rakyat (people) is more important to me that anything else in this world” he started off without any pleasantries. “I will not budge for anything, if it involves the interest of my beloved rakyat. They are the ones that I work for and they are the ones I have devoted my life to. I wanted to become Prime Minister so that I could better serve the rakyat. That was my aim and sole purpose in life. I understand my rakyat’s sufferings. I know because I am constantly in touch with them. I can feel their pain. That is why I warned my ministers not to increase the RON95 petrol and diesel prices.”

“It is hard for the government to sustain the subsidies. We had initially budgeted RM11billion but because of the increase in the world oil prices, the amount of subsidies have ballooned to RM20 billion. This has affected the government financials. But I said to my ministers – never mind. The government will take this hit. We are here for the rakyat. We cannot burden them unnecessarily.”

“I hope the rakyat will appreciate what I am doing for them. I hope they understand how much we have done for them. You press people, please make the rakyat understand. Tell them that, from a macro economic perspective, maintaining such a huge subsidy is not good governance. I look like a fool taking such a stance but I am doing this for the rakyat. Please explain to them in simple terms as the rakyat does not understand macro economics.”

“Please do your part in explaining this to them properly, ok. For all the government has done for the rakyat, I still find that the rakyat does not appreciate it.”

“Why do you say that, sir?” asked an English reporter

The Prime Minister Looking Very Annoyed

“Look at the Sarawak elections. We have done much for the people there, but still they do not appreciate it. Especially a certain race, who are ungrateful of my government’s efforts. Sometimes I am getting fed-up with all this.  Why do anything for the rakyat, when they don’t reciprocate? We bring development and they vote for the opposition. Look at Selangor, Penang…….. What is wrong with the rakyat?

Suddenly he was quiet, realizing he was getting emotional and had veered off the subject. But  he still looked agitated. “I don’t know what the rakyat want? What more do they want, huh? They always want more. Never satisfied with whatever we have done. If I wanted to, I could have turned this country into Zimbabwe, but I didn’t. This is what I want the rakyat to see. Please laa…. Be thankful for what you have.”

“Ok, ok, thats all I have.  Come…lets have your questions”, said the Prime Minister in haste.

“Latuk Seli, how wrong can the gaawermen sustaining the subsidees, ah?” asked a timid looking female reporter from Sin Chew On It, a popular Malaysian Chinese daily.

The Shocked Chinese Reporter

“What…you think I am God, ah? I don’t control the oil prices laa. Please do not ask me stupid questions” lashed out the Prime Minister.

“Sir, what measures are you taking to reduce the impact of the subsidy on the government finances?” asked another reporter.

“We are taking alternative measures” Nabij replied

“What are these measures?” the reporter followed-up.

“As I said, these are alternative measures. I don’t have all the details yet, ok. I am a busy man. Let the relevant ministries finish their “kertas kerja” (working paper) and we will let you know.” he replied.

“Sir, are you doing all this because there could be a general election soon?” asked a Malaysian reporter.

“I already said don’t ask me stupid questions. I already told you that I am doing this for the rakyat. Do not connect everything I am doing with general election laa. Why are you people so shallow? Why can’t you accept that we are doing all this simply because we care for the rakyat? Is that so difficult to accept?” the Prime Minister replied looking very upset.

“Sir, there are many reports on corruption with notable cases such as the Malaysian Royal Customs, the PKFZ scandal, the submarine purchase, to name a few. The cost due to corruption and subsidies to crony companies runs into the billions. Don’t you think if the government can minimize or eradicate corruption and plug leakages in the system, the government might be able to afford these subsidies?” asked a reporter from Singapore.

The Prime Minister Hitting His Head

“Submarine purchase!!!” Nabij retorted looking very annoyed. “That commission was only RM500 million la. Here I am talking about a deficit of RM9billion. Can’t you do the maths? Did you go to school or not?” Suddenly Nabij recoiled and was silent. He had his palm to his forehead. Clearing his throat, he continued in a calmer tone, “Yes, yes, the government is working on those leakages. We have already taken certain measures on the customs and the PKFZ issues and many other cases. We are plugging all the holes. Ok,  ok, thats all the time I have…”

He left the rostrum and walked out of the room hurriedly followed by his officials and bodyguards. He was seen hitting his head as he was leaving.

Filed under: Local, Politics, , , , , , , , , ,

Malaysian Prime Minister Visit to New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) a Big Success in Attracting American Investor to Invest in Malaysia

New York: Beloved Prime Minster, Datuk Seri Nabij Razik’s visit to NYSE was a big success. During his visit there, he had launched Invest Malaysia 2011, which attracted many investors from the US. Subsequent to his visit, it was reported that trillions of dollars in investments in set to flow into Malaysia over the next few years.

The Malaysian Prime Minister arrived at NYSE, being very cautious after the unpleasant incident at the airport. To make up for the incident at the airport, President Obama had instructed New York Mayor, Mr. Blomberd to personally drive the Prime Minister to NYSE. Accompanying him in the car was Malaysian Ambassador to the US, Datuk Jalala Jajis.

The beloved Prime Minister arrived safely at NYSE at 10.15am. There was no untoward incident reported at the time of his arrival albeit a peaceful demonstration held by the Organization for Women Workers at Cigar Bars. They were protesting sexual harassment by customers at Cigar Bars.

One of the protestors.

As the Prime Minister stepped out of the car, he was greeted by the Malaysian contingent who comprised Malaysian corporate leaders, Malaysian embassy officials, representatives of the various Malaysian government agencies and students from the prestigious Berkshire University. “Where is Jalala?” he enquired as he was stepping out of the car realizing that the Malaysian Ambassador was missing. Without giving much thought to the Ambassador’s absence, the Prime Minister, accompanied by Mayor Blomberd and the CEO of NYSE, Mr. Lebowitz, walked into NYSE.

As the beloved Prime Minister made his entrance into NYSE, there was a large audience comprising many Malaysians and some US corporate figures, awaiting his arrival. “Welcome your highness,” greeted a top US corporate figure as he shook hands with the beloved Prime Minister. Many were pushing and shoving to get an opportunity to shake the Prime Minister’s hand. The Prime Minister was then accompanied unto the stage where he was to deliver his keynote address. On stage, he was seated together with Malaysian embassy officials and heads of various Malaysian government agencies. Mr. Lebowitz gave an opening speech and officially welcomed the beloved Prime Minister to NYSE.

“It is a great honor for us to have such a great personality, His Highness, Mr. Seri, to be present at the NYSE.” Immediately there was a surprise look on the Malaysians seated on stage. Some of them attempted to stand-up and visibly looked upset. The Prime Minister was calm and had an assuring look that things will be taken care off. The audience looked bewildered.  Mr. Lebowitz noticing something amiss had interrupted his speech and was looking around clueless. A Malaysian aide was seen quickly running up the stage in panic and uttered something to Mr. Lebowitz.  

“My sincere apologies, Mr. Razik. Everyone was addressing you as Datuk Seri so I assumed Seri was your surname. My apologies again. Anyway, without further a due, let us welcome His Highness the Prime Minister of Malaysia, Nabij Razik.” There was a roaring applause from the audience. All Malaysian dignitaries seated on stage were on their feet even before the Prime Minister was up. They all held out their hands in unison ushering the Prime Minister to the rostrum. The Prime Minister held up his hands waving at the audiences and signaled to those on stage to be seated.

When the Prime Minister was at the rostrum, the applause from the crowd mellowed out. “Thank you, Mr. Lebowitz for welcoming me. I forgive you for the small error you made.” he smiled as he looked at Lebowitz who returned his smile. The Malaysian government officials seated on the stage, laughed. Giggles were also heard from the crowd. Then there was silence. The crowd watched as the Beloved Prime Minister adjusted his suit and earpiece. He then extended his arms and rested them on both sides of the rostrum, and he then, fixated his look on the audience. He had a grim look on his face.

“Dear American investors….,” he started with a deep and firm voice. “MALAYSIA………. has for many years been waiting for you.” he paused. The audience looked serious and was very attentive. “We have been laying the foundations for you.” he paused and then took a deep breath.

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!!!” he suddenly lashed out. Mr. Lebowitz fell from his chair. “GET IN NOW” he shouted. Many in the audience, especially those sitting at the front row, were shocked by the sudden outburst. One member of the audience was seen holding his chest and gasping for breath.  Another was seen wiping his face feverously. The Malaysians applauded.

The Shocked Audience at NYSE

“Weeeee…..weeee as a nation, are ready for you! But are you ready to take us on??!! Come NOW! I am warning you! Do not tell me later I did not warn you! Come and take us while we are hot. We are spread open and we want you in us. GET IN AND GET IN DEEEEEEEP….” the Prime Minister continued looking extremely furious. He seemed to be in deep ecstasy at the same time. Some even reported seeing his eyeballs rolled back. The audience, still reeling from shock from the sudden outburst, looked scared and bewildered. The Malaysians meanwhile were cheering and applauding.

The Prime Minister then went on with his speech. The audience was quiet throughout. He emphasized 10 key reasons why the American should invest in Malaysia. He urged the Americans to get in on the ground floor and then move up to the fourth floor. “Get in at the ground floor. From there, we will take you to the fourth floor. It is an opportune time. We have launched the Government Transformation Program and also Economic Transformation Program. We were caterpillars before and now we want to be butterflies. We want to soar. So do not wait. Come in while my government is there to help you. If you wait any longer, I cannot guarantee it is going to be as lucrative. So I urge you to come in NOW! There is still much left in the barrel to be scraped. But if you wait any longer, it will be gone. Come in and work with our corporate elites” emphasized the Prime Minister.

The Prime Minister also spoke about the Malaysian aspiration to become a quick income nation instead of a high income nation. “We have actually achieved the status of a quick income nation a long time back. This is better than being a high income nation. Investors want quick money and that is what Malaysia is all about. In Malaysia, a newly established company can make as much as RM500 million overnight. We have many such success stories. We have such business expertise and acumen and we are willing to teach you how this is done. This is the kind of potential we have in Malaysia. So come invest here and we will show you our definition of quick returns.” he said gripping the rostrum.

The Prime Minister also touched on the measures taken to ensure transparency in business conduct in Malaysia. “We have launched the Whistleblower act to ensure that all unethical business practices are given due attention. And I am glad to say that from the time this act was put in place, very few have used this whistle. The few that did were all false alarms. And we do not tolerate false alarm. So be careful and do not simply blow this whistle or you will pay the price. We view false alarm very seriously. Apart from the whistleblower act, we also have the government e-procurement system. This is a state of the art system. This is a highly sophisticated system that can detect unethical business conduct and will immediately alert the authorities when malpractices are detected. Ever since this system was implemented, I am glad to say we have not recorded any malpractices. So with all these, what more do you need, huh?” he said looking annoyed with the audience.

The Prime Minister also touched on the Malaysian aspiration to become the only country where 100% of its citizens have high moral values. “Malaysia is well on her way to becoming a country, where 100 percent of her citizens, have high moral values. And I can assure you, through years of effort, we are only months away to achieving this target. Our KPI minister, Mr. Koshoo Cacoon, can confirm this. There is only 1 person left in our country, who is of low moral value. This person indulges in unnatural sex and the only one in our country. He is currently being tried and justice will be served. And once this guy is put away, god bless, in a few months we will achieve this target.” concluded the Prime Minister to a roaring applause from the audience. He was then invited to take questions from the floor.

A slim feminine figure was immediately spotted walking gracefully and sexily, from the back of the hall towards the microphone stand placed close to the stage. Due to the lighting in the hall, her face was not clearly visible. Everyone in the audience was trying hard to get a good look at her. She was very sensuous. The Prime Minister, being on stage, was also trying hard to get a good look at her. As her appearance became more visible, there were gasps and wows heard from the audience. The audience, especially the males, looked mesmerized by her presence. The Prime Minister was still peering until she reached the microphone stand. In a very sexy voice, she said, “I am Hantuya Ponti Anna from the Crime and Investigation Channel.” The Prime Minister’s face changed instantly and he looked very apprehensive.

Miss Ponti Anna continued, “I would like to touch on the transparency practiced in Malaysia with a particular focus on the many covered up high profile cases involving politicians. Case number one pertains to…..” At this point, Nabij was seen perspiring profusely from his wide forehead and had great difficulty breathing. His legs were becoming weak and it looked like he was going to collapse. “My God!….Mr. Prime Minister, are you okay?!” Miss Ponti Anna shrieked while running towards the stage. The Prime Minister was seen holding on to the rostrum for support. Everyone on stage rushed to his aid. The Prime Minister became unconscious and was immediately taken off the stage in a stretcher. It was learnt that the Prime Minister was put on the next immediate flight to Malaysia.

Miss Hantuya Ponti Anna

After the unfortunate situation, we spoke to some of the Malaysian government officials to get their views on the entire event. Aminah from the Malaysian Ministry of Trade said “Yes….yes…it was a great event la. Great food, you know. Did you try the ‘nasi lemak’? But I am so sad for my beloved Datuk Seri. I dunno what happen to him laaa. What happen, ah? Anyway, I hope he recover so soon. Very unfortunate la, he had to leave early. You tau tak, he even got an invitation from some David Litterman to appear on a veeerrry popular TV show. That is how popular our Datuk Seri is. I was told that this Litterman had asked Datuk Seri to present the 10 key reasons to invest in Malaysia on the Top Ten List segment. Sayang laa, that would have been a very good chance for us to promote Invest Malaysia. Tapi dah kehendak Tuhan, nak buat macam mane (But alas its God’s will, what can we do). Missed opportunity la”

Filed under: Politics, World, , , ,

Malaysian Prime Minister Arrives In New York to Promote Malaysia to American Investors

New York – Beloved Malaysian Prime Minister Datuk Seri Nabij arrived at New York yesterday amid some confusion at the airport. A large crowd of Malaysians which included corporate figures and government officials, who had flown in a few days earlier from Malaysia, embassy officials, JPA sponsored students from the prestigious Berkshire University of New York and reporters were waiting for his arrival. Also present were a ‘kompang’ (Malaysia’s official percussion instrument) troupe accompanied by ladies carrying the ‘Bunga Manggar’ (décor often used at Malaysian functions and weddings). What came as a surprise was the presence of President Barack Obama and high ranking US government officials.

When Prime Minister Nabij’s plane arrived at the airport, a red carpet was placed on the tarmac to welcome him. As he appeared from the plane, he was delightfully surprised to see President Obama waiting at the foot of the airstairs. President Barack Obama and the US contingent had a surprised look on the faces upon seeing Prime Minister Nabij and his aesthetically enhanced wife.

“Who is this guy? Why does he have cherry-red lips?” Obama was heard asking his aides. There was confusion and slight panic noted within the US contingent, with quite a number of them seen frantically making calls. The President’s security personnel seemed on heightened alert and rushed closer to the President. Pretty soon they were seen moving him away from the plane. Some snipers spotted on the roof of the airport, had their sniper rifles pointed at the beloved Prime Minister.

One of the security personnel moved closer to the airstairs and held up his hand. “Sir, please remain where you are and identify yourself,” he said sternly while looking at Prime Minister Nabij. Prime Minister Nabij, who was shaking at this point said “I aammmm Nabiiiijjj, PM of Malaysiaaa. I….here to open the Invist Malaysia 2011 at NKVE. Whaaa izz problem? His knees were becoming weak. His wife ran back into the plane for cover. All the Malaysian VIPs, officials and students panicked and were seen running helter skelter. Most headed back into the main terminal. Some hid behind the wheels of the plane.

It was a tense situation. Then, within the minute, a sense of calm came upon the scene when one of the US officials was seen waving to the security personnels and smiling. He then spoke in confidence with the President. The President sported a smile on his face while talking to this official. He then walked up the airstairs while shaking his head in disbelief. He grabbed Nabij’s hands and shook it hard and gave him a hug. Nabij was still shaking and looked confused. He was listening intently to Obama. Nabij was sporting a look of displeasure but this changed quickly to a look of relief. Nabij was finally smiling and for a brief moment, was seen head-butting Obama gently. They both had their arms around each other as they walked down the airstairs and headed for the VVIP lounge at the JFK airport. 

It was later that we understood that the President and his team were at the airport to welcome the new Lebanese Prime Minister, Najib Mikati. The similarity between his name and that of our beloved Prime Minister had resulted in this embarrassing confusion. Prime Minister Mitaki was scheduled to arrive at the same time as Nabij but his plane was delayed.

Our report will continue with Nabij’s Appearance at Invest Malaysia NYSE 2011.

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Malaysia’s Crucial Sodomy Trial – Prominent Opposition Leader Anwari Ordered to Enter Defence Against Sodomy Charge

Kuala Lumpur (Monday 16thMay 2011): A prominent opposition leader, Anwari Ebrahim is ordered by the Malaysian High Court to enter  his defence against a charge of sodomising his assistant Sayfool bin Book One Hari, three years ago. Anwari appeared at the High Court in full attire and seemed all ready to take on the powers that be. It was hard to establish his composure due to his attire. He was spotted standing at the corner of the courtroom waiting for his name to be called up.

Anwari standing at the corner of the courtroom in full attire

According to the Judge Mr. Doastold Orelse, Sayfool was a credible witness and his evidences / exhibits are highly incriminating although some are pretty pungent. “How can you do that to that boy?” he blasted Anwari. “Not only that, you and your lawyers went to say he is not a credible witness. How can he not be a credible witness when it was his own arsehole that was screwed? And you also say he is not a good Muslim…” at this point Judge Doastold could not hold back his emotions. He was disgusted at the same time. His eyes were welling up. “How can you say he is not a good Muslim,” he continued with slight stammer after having regained his composure. “How do you know he is not a good Muslim, huh? Do you know how much he suffered in trying to uphold justice in this nation? His suffering knew no bounds. That is what good Muslims do. He is a truthful and credible witness as far as I am concerned. His accounts were so detailed that I almost had a hard-on…eh…(clearing of throat)..broke down in tears.” At this point, he gestured at the staffs manning the court audio recorders. The court audience seemed slightly restless.

“Did you know that Sayfool, in an attempt to uphold justice, had preserved the semen stains in and around his anus for more than several days? During this time, he had not washed his anus. Do you know how difficult that is? How long have you gone without washing your anus?” he looked hard at Anwari. “He held back his crap during that period! It takes a lot of mental and physical strength to do that. Now you tell me if he is or is not a credible witness,” he stood up apparently very upset with Anwari and his defense team which includes Cripple Singh. The court audiences were silent. “He underwent great discomfort and sacrificed much in wanting to uphold justice and I will see to it that it is served!” he lambasted. The audiences were dumb-founded. At this point, we noted a noose being put around Anwari’s neck.

The agitated and emotional Judge Doastold

It was reported earlier, that Sayfool had preserved the semen stain around his anus for a considerable period of time before samples were taken and examined. “I can endure any hardship to ensure that justice is served. The nation’s integrity and justice is more important that my personal comfort. I had met our beloved Prime Minister, who had personally inspected my anus and also the semen stains. He gave me personal advice on how to preserve the stain. I am grateful to our beloved Prime Minister.”

“Although he is a very busy man, being the No.1 public servant in the country, he took time to attend to me. He is a very hands-on-man in these matters and will do anything for the interest of the nation. His advise and the time he spent with me is invaluable. I will forever cherish his gentle touch. I must say, not only does he have cherry-red lips but he also has very soft and gentle fingers,” giggled Sayfool during an earlier interview.

It was also reported that during the period Sayfool was preserving the semen stains, not only was his anus covered by fruit flies and larvaes, it was also infected with dangerous flesh eating bacteria and fungus. This resulted in his anus being almost gangrenous and filled with pus. He had called the beloved Prime Minister, who immediately instructed top medical specialist from within the country and abroad, to attend to Sayfool’s anus. Sayfool’s anus was treated carefully and the semen samples were extracted without contamination.

Sayfool's buttocks during preservation of semen stain (Note: Due to graphic nature of his anus, it will not be shown)

The treatment and extraction of the semen sample was very delicate and top specialists were also flown in from the US and UK. Amongst them is Dr. Arserus G. Backbiznes, who specializes in anus specimen extraction. “Yes, in my 40 years of experience, this is the toughest one. It was very difficult procedure. Here we had to treat a severely infected anus and at the same time perform uncontaminated extraction of the semen sample, which is of high national interest. This is the semen that will determine the future of this country.”

The semen samples have since been removed from Sayfool anus and placed at an undisclosed high security location, for further analysis and use during the court proceedings. Apart from the semen samples, it was also reported that the medical team have also found a lot off other evidences from Sayfool’s anus that could help solve many of the nations long pending cases, which could include the highly controversial submarine purchase. “Sayfool’s anus is a treasure trove. I was amazed with the amount of evidences we found. His anus is truly a national treasure.” said one of the medical specialist who wanted to remain anonymous.

Anwari is charged under section 337B of the penal code and if convicted, could be sentenced to 20 years in jail or whipped like a horse. It was hard to determine Anwari’s reaction due to his attire.

Filed under: Local, Politics, , , , ,

Breaking News – Malaysian Christian Leaders Meeting with Beloved Prime Minister a Big Success

(Note from Editor – since publication of this piece was delayed because the reporter was on sick leave, it is no longer considered breaking news – should be more like broken news)

The atmosphere around Kuala Lumpur was jubilant with crowds cheering upon hearing the news about the meeting. A big crowd also gathered at Putrajaya anticipating a speech from our beloved Prime Minister on the outcome of the meeting and also with an aim to urge the beloved Prime Minister to declare public holiday. Malaysians all over the country were keeping their fingers cross in anticipation of the Prime Minister announcement. “We hope we can get a long weekend la. I want to balik kampong (Malay for hometown).” said one crowd member.

The Large Crowd Gathered at Putrajaya

Meanwhile, we received reports that a crowd had also gathered at Kuala Pilah for unknown reasons. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that the crowd had gathered for a TV3 JOM Heboh Carnival event. There were no other reports of crowds gathering at other parts of Malaysia.

When our beloved Prime Minister appeared at the balcony overlooking the crowd, the crowd went into a frenzy. They became ecstatic by the mere sight of the Prime Minister. The Prime Minister was accompanied by his  aesthetically enhanced wife. The crowd went silent when his voice cracked through the atmosphere.

“Ahem,” the crowd was attentive. “I would like to say with great delight that the Christians in our country have finally accepted the position of Islam as the official religion of this country and have dropped all efforts to challenge this provision as enshrined in our constitution. It was a great relief for me to hear this from the prominent Christian leaders, with whom, I have just concluded a long meeting. We discussed at length. They voiced some of their grievances, but that is not important. What is more important is that the peace and stability of this nation has been enhanced significantly. The nation has been living in fear ever since independence, in fear of the retaliation from the Christians. The government in power ever since independence, have had many dialogues with the Christians in an effort to defuse this situation but I am glad to say that I, ahem…, we have done it. We can finally live in peace. Peace and harmony have been restored.”

The crowd cheered and fire work displays can be seen at the background. There was great joy and jubilation among the crowd gathered. “I am so happy to hear this,” said 65-year-old Fazliaton, who was in tears. “I have been waiting to hear this ever since I was in school. I was afraid the Inquisition which gripped Europe in the past, would happen here. But now I can sleep soundly at night,” she continued, sobbing. There were shouts of public holiday heard from within the crowd. “Cuti, cuti, cuti (Malay for holiday)….” Can be heard in the air. Our beloved Prime Minister was seen waving from the balcony with his wife.

Meanwhile, our reporter met up with Bishop Popmycherry, who was seen at one of the makeshift stalls buying goreng pisang (banana fritters). When asked what transpired during the meeting, he said, “I am not sure. When I arrived at Putrajaya, I spent almost 30 minutes looking for a car park. Then when I went to the Prime Minister’s office, I was asked to wait at the lobby. My other colleagues, Reverend Thetutu, Archbishop Khoo, Father Nielsen and the Deflowered Alterboys were already present. We were asked to wait at the lobby and were served ‘teh-tarik’ and some kuih muih (sweets). We asked when we can see the Prime Minister and were told by an official to just wait. After about 1 hour, the Prime Minister arrived with several photographers. We were asked to shake hands with him and take some photos. He then left us.”

The Pisang Goreng Stall Where Bishop Popmycherry was Spotted

“We were very happy because we got to meet the Prime Minister. I could not take my eyes off his lips. It was so red like cherry, you know. Even Marilyn Monroe’s lips, in her famous air-vent pin-up poster, cannot match this la. I wanted to ask him his secret but scared la. Nevermind, maybe next time.” Popmycherry continued.

 The crowd partied on. Soon after our beloved Prime Minister and his wife left the balcony. We tried to catch the Prime Minister to have a few words but he had left his office.

Filed under: Local, Politics, ,

Breaking News – Malaysian Christian Leaders Asked to Attend Important Meeting with Malaysian Prime Minister

The recent headlines in a local Malay daily, on Christianity becoming the national religion of Malaysia, has sparked wide spread confusion amongst the Malaysian public. Malaysians were so confused that many did not turn up for work today since there was a rumour that the Prime Minister will declare a public holiday to commemorate this historic occasion.

On another front, many Malaysian Christian leaders were instructed to meet the Prime Minister at Putrajaya to discuss the controversy. Domino Popmycherry Mayam, the head Bishop from the Church of His Father, Her Mother and That Lady, when asked why he was asked to go to Putrajaya, said that, he received a telephone call asking him to attend a meeting with the beloved Prime Minister at Putrajaya. He said the person was stern over the phone and offered no explanation on the reason for the meeting. “But he said that I must attend at all cost or else,” Domino continued. Nevertheless, Domino was excited because he can get a chance to tell his friends that he met the beloved Prime Minister and he was also hoping that he might get a chance to take a photo with him.

Apart from Domino, other Christian leaders and personalities like Reverand Tommy Thetutu, Archbishop Perry Khoo, Father Nielsen and the famous Christian pop-group, The Deflowered Alterboys, are also expected to attend. It was believed that an order was also given to the Pope to attend but the Pope had mistakenly ended up in Malawi. The Vatican was believed to have sent their apologies to the Malaysian Government.

Swami Narayana Kutty Biggalingga and Ramasamy a/l Polliah of the Hindu Lingam, was also spotted at the gates to the Prime Minister’s office. When asked what they were doing there, Ramasamy said he was furious that he was not invited for the meeting. When explained that the meeting was only for Christian leaders, Ramasamy said that the Hindu’s would also like to voice their displeasure. When asked what this displeasure was, Ramasamy said that there are not enough temples in the country for the Hindus. They were soon after seen leaving the gates after some officials in suits had spoken to them and handed Ramasamy a parcel. We noted a tussel between Ramasamy and the Swami  over the parcel, as they were leaving.

Our reporter contacted the religious authorities from the Buddist faith to get their views. Monk Bhodisdharma Dylamo when contacted over the phone over this meeting, said in a very serene and calm voice “Man’s wife his bitter half, his mistress his better whole.” When asked to explain what he had just said, he went on saying “Don’t sweat the petty stuff, and don’t pet the sweaty stuff….”. He then hung up.

No Muslim leaders were contactable this Thursday evening. All calls to their mobile were unanswered. We are not sure the reason for this but we have faced this problem many times before when calls are made Thursday nights.

Our report will continue with updates on the meeting.

Filed under: Local, Politics, , , ,

This is what they mean by monkeying around….

A young girl is taking a bath, when she suddenly realizes she’s growing pubic hairs.
She runs to her mom and says. “Mama I have hair growing on my  cookie!!!
Her mother tells her not to call it like that, but to call it a  monkey.
Later that day the young girl goes up to her bigger sister and  tells her that she’s growing hair on her monkey.
The bigger sister replied, “That’s nothing, my monkey is already eating bananas”…

Filed under: Jokes

Malaysia Loses to New Zealand in Sultan Azlan Shah Cup Hockey Tournament

It came as a shock to Malaysian that their hockey team had conceded a second defeat in the Sultan Azlan Shah Cup tournament. This time around they were defeated by the Kiwis, who had frightened them from the onset with the Haka dance. Unfortunately and to the disadvantage of the Malaysian, this dance is not banned in the state of Perak, where this tournament is held. A Perak official when contacted had said that he will take this matter up at the next state exco meeting.

The Malaysia team captain, Yang Bahagia Tun Datuk Seri Tan Sri Atan Bakar, when interviewed right after the match, had attributed the defeat to the psychological pressure the team was undergoing. When questioned further, he and the team cannot take the fact that an opposition leader had insulted our beloved Prime Minister. The opposition leader was alleged to have used uncivilized language by calling the Prime Minister a ‘pandi kutty’ (Tamil for piglet). “We had a hard time shedding this thought. Although our beloved Prime Minister is not losing sleep over this, we are losing matches”, said the team captain, YBTDSTS Atan Bakar.  “The team was constantly plagued by vision of piglets running around the field and this was made more horrific by visions of kiwis pecking at the piglets” he continued.

“How can he make such a remark?” he said feeling very tormented. “We are 1 Malaysia you know”, he said. “When we are 1 Malaysia, you cannot say such things.”  A high ranking team official, when spoken to after the game, said that the team will have to reevaluate their position. “We have a good team, you know. But we are a bit unlucky, if the New Zealand people are not given the corner kick, then sure we can get a draw la. But no luck la. From the side also the ball can go in. Unbelievable. Its okay. This is our destiny. We accept it. This is Gods will. We have done our best. We will have a feast to appease the Gods. Hopefully we will make it in the next game.”

Malaysia is set to play againt Korea next. “Kita korek sama dia” said the official.

Filed under: Sports, , , , ,

Life makes me laugh

Life is full of fun and humor. Take it with a laugh

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