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Breaking News – Malaysian Christian Leaders Meeting with Beloved Prime Minister a Big Success

(Note from Editor – since publication of this piece was delayed because the reporter was on sick leave, it is no longer considered breaking news – should be more like broken news)

The atmosphere around Kuala Lumpur was jubilant with crowds cheering upon hearing the news about the meeting. A big crowd also gathered at Putrajaya anticipating a speech from our beloved Prime Minister on the outcome of the meeting and also with an aim to urge the beloved Prime Minister to declare public holiday. Malaysians all over the country were keeping their fingers cross in anticipation of the Prime Minister announcement. “We hope we can get a long weekend la. I want to balik kampong (Malay for hometown).” said one crowd member.

The Large Crowd Gathered at Putrajaya

Meanwhile, we received reports that a crowd had also gathered at Kuala Pilah for unknown reasons. Upon further investigation, it was discovered that the crowd had gathered for a TV3 JOM Heboh Carnival event. There were no other reports of crowds gathering at other parts of Malaysia.

When our beloved Prime Minister appeared at the balcony overlooking the crowd, the crowd went into a frenzy. They became ecstatic by the mere sight of the Prime Minister. The Prime Minister was accompanied by his  aesthetically enhanced wife. The crowd went silent when his voice cracked through the atmosphere.

“Ahem,” the crowd was attentive. “I would like to say with great delight that the Christians in our country have finally accepted the position of Islam as the official religion of this country and have dropped all efforts to challenge this provision as enshrined in our constitution. It was a great relief for me to hear this from the prominent Christian leaders, with whom, I have just concluded a long meeting. We discussed at length. They voiced some of their grievances, but that is not important. What is more important is that the peace and stability of this nation has been enhanced significantly. The nation has been living in fear ever since independence, in fear of the retaliation from the Christians. The government in power ever since independence, have had many dialogues with the Christians in an effort to defuse this situation but I am glad to say that I, ahem…, we have done it. We can finally live in peace. Peace and harmony have been restored.”

The crowd cheered and fire work displays can be seen at the background. There was great joy and jubilation among the crowd gathered. “I am so happy to hear this,” said 65-year-old Fazliaton, who was in tears. “I have been waiting to hear this ever since I was in school. I was afraid the Inquisition which gripped Europe in the past, would happen here. But now I can sleep soundly at night,” she continued, sobbing. There were shouts of public holiday heard from within the crowd. “Cuti, cuti, cuti (Malay for holiday)….” Can be heard in the air. Our beloved Prime Minister was seen waving from the balcony with his wife.

Meanwhile, our reporter met up with Bishop Popmycherry, who was seen at one of the makeshift stalls buying goreng pisang (banana fritters). When asked what transpired during the meeting, he said, “I am not sure. When I arrived at Putrajaya, I spent almost 30 minutes looking for a car park. Then when I went to the Prime Minister’s office, I was asked to wait at the lobby. My other colleagues, Reverend Thetutu, Archbishop Khoo, Father Nielsen and the Deflowered Alterboys were already present. We were asked to wait at the lobby and were served ‘teh-tarik’ and some kuih muih (sweets). We asked when we can see the Prime Minister and were told by an official to just wait. After about 1 hour, the Prime Minister arrived with several photographers. We were asked to shake hands with him and take some photos. He then left us.”

The Pisang Goreng Stall Where Bishop Popmycherry was Spotted

“We were very happy because we got to meet the Prime Minister. I could not take my eyes off his lips. It was so red like cherry, you know. Even Marilyn Monroe’s lips, in her famous air-vent pin-up poster, cannot match this la. I wanted to ask him his secret but scared la. Nevermind, maybe next time.” Popmycherry continued.

 The crowd partied on. Soon after our beloved Prime Minister and his wife left the balcony. We tried to catch the Prime Minister to have a few words but he had left his office.


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