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Malaysian Prime Minister Visit to New York Stock Exchange (NYSE) a Big Success in Attracting American Investor to Invest in Malaysia

New York: Beloved Prime Minster, Datuk Seri Nabij Razik’s visit to NYSE was a big success. During his visit there, he had launched Invest Malaysia 2011, which attracted many investors from the US. Subsequent to his visit, it was reported that trillions of dollars in investments in set to flow into Malaysia over the next few years.

The Malaysian Prime Minister arrived at NYSE, being very cautious after the unpleasant incident at the airport. To make up for the incident at the airport, President Obama had instructed New York Mayor, Mr. Blomberd to personally drive the Prime Minister to NYSE. Accompanying him in the car was Malaysian Ambassador to the US, Datuk Jalala Jajis.

The beloved Prime Minister arrived safely at NYSE at 10.15am. There was no untoward incident reported at the time of his arrival albeit a peaceful demonstration held by the Organization for Women Workers at Cigar Bars. They were protesting sexual harassment by customers at Cigar Bars.

One of the protestors.

As the Prime Minister stepped out of the car, he was greeted by the Malaysian contingent who comprised Malaysian corporate leaders, Malaysian embassy officials, representatives of the various Malaysian government agencies and students from the prestigious Berkshire University. “Where is Jalala?” he enquired as he was stepping out of the car realizing that the Malaysian Ambassador was missing. Without giving much thought to the Ambassador’s absence, the Prime Minister, accompanied by Mayor Blomberd and the CEO of NYSE, Mr. Lebowitz, walked into NYSE.

As the beloved Prime Minister made his entrance into NYSE, there was a large audience comprising many Malaysians and some US corporate figures, awaiting his arrival. “Welcome your highness,” greeted a top US corporate figure as he shook hands with the beloved Prime Minister. Many were pushing and shoving to get an opportunity to shake the Prime Minister’s hand. The Prime Minister was then accompanied unto the stage where he was to deliver his keynote address. On stage, he was seated together with Malaysian embassy officials and heads of various Malaysian government agencies. Mr. Lebowitz gave an opening speech and officially welcomed the beloved Prime Minister to NYSE.

“It is a great honor for us to have such a great personality, His Highness, Mr. Seri, to be present at the NYSE.” Immediately there was a surprise look on the Malaysians seated on stage. Some of them attempted to stand-up and visibly looked upset. The Prime Minister was calm and had an assuring look that things will be taken care off. The audience looked bewildered.  Mr. Lebowitz noticing something amiss had interrupted his speech and was looking around clueless. A Malaysian aide was seen quickly running up the stage in panic and uttered something to Mr. Lebowitz.  

“My sincere apologies, Mr. Razik. Everyone was addressing you as Datuk Seri so I assumed Seri was your surname. My apologies again. Anyway, without further a due, let us welcome His Highness the Prime Minister of Malaysia, Nabij Razik.” There was a roaring applause from the audience. All Malaysian dignitaries seated on stage were on their feet even before the Prime Minister was up. They all held out their hands in unison ushering the Prime Minister to the rostrum. The Prime Minister held up his hands waving at the audiences and signaled to those on stage to be seated.

When the Prime Minister was at the rostrum, the applause from the crowd mellowed out. “Thank you, Mr. Lebowitz for welcoming me. I forgive you for the small error you made.” he smiled as he looked at Lebowitz who returned his smile. The Malaysian government officials seated on the stage, laughed. Giggles were also heard from the crowd. Then there was silence. The crowd watched as the Beloved Prime Minister adjusted his suit and earpiece. He then extended his arms and rested them on both sides of the rostrum, and he then, fixated his look on the audience. He had a grim look on his face.

“Dear American investors….,” he started with a deep and firm voice. “MALAYSIA………. has for many years been waiting for you.” he paused. The audience looked serious and was very attentive. “We have been laying the foundations for you.” he paused and then took a deep breath.

SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!!!” he suddenly lashed out. Mr. Lebowitz fell from his chair. “GET IN NOW” he shouted. Many in the audience, especially those sitting at the front row, were shocked by the sudden outburst. One member of the audience was seen holding his chest and gasping for breath.  Another was seen wiping his face feverously. The Malaysians applauded.

The Shocked Audience at NYSE

“Weeeee…..weeee as a nation, are ready for you! But are you ready to take us on??!! Come NOW! I am warning you! Do not tell me later I did not warn you! Come and take us while we are hot. We are spread open and we want you in us. GET IN AND GET IN DEEEEEEEP….” the Prime Minister continued looking extremely furious. He seemed to be in deep ecstasy at the same time. Some even reported seeing his eyeballs rolled back. The audience, still reeling from shock from the sudden outburst, looked scared and bewildered. The Malaysians meanwhile were cheering and applauding.

The Prime Minister then went on with his speech. The audience was quiet throughout. He emphasized 10 key reasons why the American should invest in Malaysia. He urged the Americans to get in on the ground floor and then move up to the fourth floor. “Get in at the ground floor. From there, we will take you to the fourth floor. It is an opportune time. We have launched the Government Transformation Program and also Economic Transformation Program. We were caterpillars before and now we want to be butterflies. We want to soar. So do not wait. Come in while my government is there to help you. If you wait any longer, I cannot guarantee it is going to be as lucrative. So I urge you to come in NOW! There is still much left in the barrel to be scraped. But if you wait any longer, it will be gone. Come in and work with our corporate elites” emphasized the Prime Minister.

The Prime Minister also spoke about the Malaysian aspiration to become a quick income nation instead of a high income nation. “We have actually achieved the status of a quick income nation a long time back. This is better than being a high income nation. Investors want quick money and that is what Malaysia is all about. In Malaysia, a newly established company can make as much as RM500 million overnight. We have many such success stories. We have such business expertise and acumen and we are willing to teach you how this is done. This is the kind of potential we have in Malaysia. So come invest here and we will show you our definition of quick returns.” he said gripping the rostrum.

The Prime Minister also touched on the measures taken to ensure transparency in business conduct in Malaysia. “We have launched the Whistleblower act to ensure that all unethical business practices are given due attention. And I am glad to say that from the time this act was put in place, very few have used this whistle. The few that did were all false alarms. And we do not tolerate false alarm. So be careful and do not simply blow this whistle or you will pay the price. We view false alarm very seriously. Apart from the whistleblower act, we also have the government e-procurement system. This is a state of the art system. This is a highly sophisticated system that can detect unethical business conduct and will immediately alert the authorities when malpractices are detected. Ever since this system was implemented, I am glad to say we have not recorded any malpractices. So with all these, what more do you need, huh?” he said looking annoyed with the audience.

The Prime Minister also touched on the Malaysian aspiration to become the only country where 100% of its citizens have high moral values. “Malaysia is well on her way to becoming a country, where 100 percent of her citizens, have high moral values. And I can assure you, through years of effort, we are only months away to achieving this target. Our KPI minister, Mr. Koshoo Cacoon, can confirm this. There is only 1 person left in our country, who is of low moral value. This person indulges in unnatural sex and the only one in our country. He is currently being tried and justice will be served. And once this guy is put away, god bless, in a few months we will achieve this target.” concluded the Prime Minister to a roaring applause from the audience. He was then invited to take questions from the floor.

A slim feminine figure was immediately spotted walking gracefully and sexily, from the back of the hall towards the microphone stand placed close to the stage. Due to the lighting in the hall, her face was not clearly visible. Everyone in the audience was trying hard to get a good look at her. She was very sensuous. The Prime Minister, being on stage, was also trying hard to get a good look at her. As her appearance became more visible, there were gasps and wows heard from the audience. The audience, especially the males, looked mesmerized by her presence. The Prime Minister was still peering until she reached the microphone stand. In a very sexy voice, she said, “I am Hantuya Ponti Anna from the Crime and Investigation Channel.” The Prime Minister’s face changed instantly and he looked very apprehensive.

Miss Ponti Anna continued, “I would like to touch on the transparency practiced in Malaysia with a particular focus on the many covered up high profile cases involving politicians. Case number one pertains to…..” At this point, Nabij was seen perspiring profusely from his wide forehead and had great difficulty breathing. His legs were becoming weak and it looked like he was going to collapse. “My God!….Mr. Prime Minister, are you okay?!” Miss Ponti Anna shrieked while running towards the stage. The Prime Minister was seen holding on to the rostrum for support. Everyone on stage rushed to his aid. The Prime Minister became unconscious and was immediately taken off the stage in a stretcher. It was learnt that the Prime Minister was put on the next immediate flight to Malaysia.

Miss Hantuya Ponti Anna

After the unfortunate situation, we spoke to some of the Malaysian government officials to get their views on the entire event. Aminah from the Malaysian Ministry of Trade said “Yes….yes…it was a great event la. Great food, you know. Did you try the ‘nasi lemak’? But I am so sad for my beloved Datuk Seri. I dunno what happen to him laaa. What happen, ah? Anyway, I hope he recover so soon. Very unfortunate la, he had to leave early. You tau tak, he even got an invitation from some David Litterman to appear on a veeerrry popular TV show. That is how popular our Datuk Seri is. I was told that this Litterman had asked Datuk Seri to present the 10 key reasons to invest in Malaysia on the Top Ten List segment. Sayang laa, that would have been a very good chance for us to promote Invest Malaysia. Tapi dah kehendak Tuhan, nak buat macam mane (But alas its God’s will, what can we do). Missed opportunity la”

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