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Beloved Malaysian Prime Minister Nabij Razik Launches 1Malaysia Kedai Rakyat or the People’s Store to Help Malaysians Survive in Malaysia

Kuala Lumpur, 28th June 2011 – Last Wednesday, the beloved Prime Minister of Malaysia, Datuk Seri Nabij Razik launched the first of many 1Malaysia Kedai Rakyat or The People’s Store in the country.

He mentioned that the launch of the store showed that the 1Malaysia concept is not just a slogan but it took care of the essential needs of Malaysians. He said he was always concerned for the people since they find it hard to survive in Malaysia.

By having such stores around the country, the government can ensure that the people have access to the essential items which are vital for their survival in Malaysia.

Malaysians Gathered Early To Shop At The 1Malaysia Store

Malaysians all over the country were overjoyed upon hearing news of the 1Malaysia store. The night before the launch, a large crowd had gathered and camped outside the first 1Malaysia store at Kelana Jaya. They had gathered early to grab the essential survival items being sold.

Shoppers at the store were all given a free door gift which was a pin-poster of the beloved Malaysian Prime Minister. Most shoppers, in their frenzy to shop, simply skipped the door gift or just threw it away.

Apart from rice, sugar, eggs and other basic groceries, the store’s also offers essential survival items that will guarantee the well being of Malaysians in present day Malaysia.

The much anticipated item among Malaysians is the Bersih 2.0 detergent. Although doubtful the item will be sold at the 1Malaysia store, Malaysians harbored a glimmer of hope. Bersih 2.0 detergent is considered the most essential item by Malaysians from a poll that was conducted recently.

But their doubts were confirmed subsequent to the launch when shoppers found that the Bersih 2.0 detergent is not sold at

The Pin-Up Poster of the Beloved Malaysian Prime Minister

the 1Malaysia store. When en-quired, a store personnel just shrugged his shoulder and said ta tau (dunno).

Nevertheless, the 1Malaysia store offers many other essential survival items specially selected by the Malaysian government for Malaysians. These items are deemed essential for the well-being of Malaysians.

Among the many items is the miniature or spy cameras and its detectors.

“The government not only takes care of well-being of Malaysian, but we also keep tabs with the latest fad or trend that is sweeping the country. And we realized that Malaysians are currently fascinated with spy-shooting films. This is the current craze in Malaysia and we know it,” Nabij said.

From a fad, both the miniature or spy camera and the detectors have become essential items for survival in Malaysia and this has been recognized by the Ministry of Domestic Trade, Cooperatives and Consumerism. The ministry said that it is currently studying a proposal to classify these items as essential for survival and will look into regulating its prices.

Malaysia's Valiant and Ferocious Warrior with the Keris

Another essential survival item is the keris (traditional dagger) famously brandished by the great Malaysian warrior, Hisapputing. The keris, which is made in China, retails for RM10.99. The keris can be bought together with a life-sized Chinese-made mannequin for training purposes.

Essential books are also sold at these stores to educate Malaysians on the 1Malaysia concept and basics of survival in Malaysia. Some of the popular books sold at these stores include the famous Interlok book which retails for RM0.99 for Indians and RM4.99 for non-Indians.

“This book has been deemed important by the Malaysian government for Malaysians of all races so they understand their origins. They must understand their background and how lucky they are to be in Malaysia. This is essential and in-line with the 1Malaysian concept,” Nabij said.

Other popular books include Dummies Guide on Surviving in Malaysia – Tips for the Pendatangs, which is an essential read for the Indians and Chinese while the Malays are encouraged to read Understanding and Embracing UMINO – The Only Way to Salvation.

Another book that has helped transform many ordinary Malaysians into prominent politicians and successful

The Cover of Metamorphosis into A Malay - From Roti Canai Seller to Prominent Bumiputra

businessmen is the The Metamorphosis into a Malay – From Roti Canai Seller to Prominent Bumiputra.

In the leisure and travel section, there are fully-subsidized government one-way travel tickets to China and India which is expected to soar in popularity soon.

Another hot item from this section includes The Box Set DVD Collection of Hit Sex Videos of Famous Malaysians.

“The government understands that Malaysians are sex-crazed and we would like to encourage this. This is important if we are to achieve our 70 million population target,” Nabij said.

Nabij said that next the government plans to open up Restoran Rakyat (The People’s Restaurant), which will serve the famous 1Malaysia Meal.

Filed under: Local, Politics, , , , , ,

This Only Happens in My Beloved Pakistan

Let's Move This Bloody Thing Before the Suicide Bomber Gets Here

The Yuppie in Pakistan. Wanna Pimp My Ride?

You Ain't Getting Away With My Wheels

Pakistan's Mass Road Transit and Economical Too

Why Not The Mass Road Transit?

Police Brutality In Pakistan - The Other Side of The Story

Filed under: Jokes, World,

Minister Says Cyber Attack on Malaysian Government Website by Internet Hackers Group, Anonymous, is Not Fair and an Act of Cowardice

Kuala Lumpur, 22nd June 2011 – The recent attack on Malaysian government websites by internet hackers, Anonymous, will not be taken lightly by the Malaysian government. Malaysia’s most intelligent, highly cultured and Malaysia’s answer to the always-showing-off-their-academic-credentials Singaporean ministers, Minister of Information, Communication and Culture, Datuk Seri Rice Latim, said that the attack on the websites are uncalled for and not fair.

The Minister demonstrating a back-up silat move he plans to use to fend off the cyber attack

He mentioned that the hackers did not stick to their agreed attack time and had instead launched the attack earlier. “This is an act of cowardice and not gentlemanly. They did not keep their word and attacked while we were working on our contract with the Cyber Troopers,” he said. He went on to say that he could have prevented the attack if the hackers had stuck to their scheduled attack time. He also said that the Malaysian government will go after the perpetrators.

We were later made to understand that the Malaysian government, in preparation to fend off the attack from the hackers, had solicited the help of Malaysia’s foremost defense expert and highly acclaimed government advisor, Mr. Razik Badigna. Mr. Badigna had flown in all the way from United Kingdom, his current place of residence.

Mr. Badigna was instrumental in providing expert advice to the Malaysian government in the highly publicized submarine purchase deal. It is a well known fact that Mr. Badigna commands a very high fee for his services and it was rumored that he was paid a commission of RM500 million for assisting the Malaysian government with the submarine purchase. But his expert advice is worth every penny according to the Malaysian Defense Ministry.

Mr. Badigna flew in at very short notice and was asked to act as middleman in contracting the services of the Cyber Troopers to fend off the cyber attack and also provide total cyber security solutions. Mr. Badigna was tasked with establishing a Bumiputra private limited company, Perlimekap Sdn Bhd and managing a budget of RM500 million from the Malaysian government, for the project. The company was to seal a partnership deal with the Cyber Troopers and represent the Malaysian government in all dealings with the Cyber Troopers.

But despite Mr. Badigna’s involvement, the deal with the Cyber Troopers fell through at the very last minute.

Temjin during the interview with NHK

Later, Temjin, the chief spokesperson for the Cyber Troopers, in an interview with NHK mentioned that Mr. Badigna, had asked them to lower their fee to RM5 million for their services but they declined. This is lower than the RM50 million quoted by the Cyber Troopers through a closed tender exercise conducted by the Ministry of Information, Communication and Culture.

“No can do work for 5 million, nae? Cannot cover cost, nae. He say minister no agree to cost, nae. Why cannot pay 50 million, nae? I hear budget is 500 million, nae. Fakku, nae. Kuso kurae…..Minister bakayarou, nae,” Temjin said looking very angry during the interview with NHK.

Due to the collapse of the deal with the Cyber Troopers, the Malaysian government websites were

A webphoto of a minister that was defaced by the hackers

left vulnerable and were attacked by hackers, both foreign and local. Many of the websites were hacked and photos of Malaysian ministers were defaced.

Datuk Seri Rice Latim, who had given assurance that the attack will be prevented, could not be reached for comment subsequent to the attack. It was claimed that he was upset with the involvement of Mr. Badigna and other government departments in the tender exercise.  He has since flown to Indonesia for some unfinished personal business.

Meanwhile it was also purported that the government had paid Mr. Badigna for his services although the actual payout could not be determined.

Filed under: Local, Politics, , , , ,

Many Many Moons and Many Many Men

This is a story of a Red Indian couple who just got married.

After six months,….. …. the wife has not conceived.

So the couple went to seek the help of the Red ‘Chief’ who is also the tribe’s medicine man.

Indian said to the chief: “Many moons come, many moons go; I come, baby no come, how come?”

Chief to Indian: “Young man, go to the ninth mountain over there and come back after nine months”.

After nine months the Indian came back to the village.

He went to his wife and saw his wife carrying a baby.  At once he pulled the wife to see the Chief.

He said to the Chief: “Many moons come, many moons go, I no come, baby come, how come?”

The Chief turned to the wife for an answer.

The wife said: “Many moons come, many moons go, you no come, MANY MEN COME“.

Filed under: Jokes, ,

Vital Traits That Points To High Spiritual And Inner Peace Attainment and What It Probably Signifies

You are highly spiritual and have attained inner peace if

a. You can start the day without caffeine,

b. You  can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

c. You can resist complaining and  boring people with your troubles,

d. You can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

e. You can understand when your loved  ones are too busy to give you any time,

f. You can take criticism and  blame without resentment,

g. You can conquer tension without medical help,

h. You can relax without alcohol,

i. You can sleep without the aid of drugs,

OR THIS COULD ALSO MEAN THAT YOU ARE PROBABLY THE FAMILY DOG!!

HIS HOLINESS SWAMI PARAYANAYEE DOGGEE IN DEEP MEDITATION

Filed under: Jokes, ,

Beloved Malaysian Prime Minister Says Honesty, Openess and Transparency is Vital For Leaders and Politicians To Gain Public Trust In Kazakhstan

ASTANA (11th June 2011): The beloved Malaysian Prime Minister, Datuk Seri Nabij Razik, was in Kazakhstan for a two day official visit.

From the onset, the beloved Malaysian Prime Minister’s visit was marred by claims by several quarters that he was in Kazakhstan to attend the wedding of Borat Sagdiyev’s sister. Borat Sagdiyev, who is a well known celebrity in Kazakhstan, is Datuk Seri Nabij’s personal friend. It was understood that Datuk Seri Nabij had met and befriended Borat in the United States when the latter was there on a study tour to learn and adopt best practices from the American culture for the benefit of his home country, Kazakhstan.

Wisma Putra in a rebuttal dismissed this claim and issued a statement to Berkhatan, the national news agency, claiming that the Malaysian Prime Minister’s visit to Kazakhstan was to reciprocate the visit by the Kazakhstan President to Malaysia. The Malaysian Prime Minister’s visit was also to strengthen bilateral ties with Kazakhstan through a cultural study tour program, attend a few seminars and to explore trade and investment opportunities.

Borat at the Launch of the Study Tour Program

The Malaysian Prime Minister’s itinerary included launching of the study tour program ‘Cultural Learning of Kazakhstan to Make Benefit the Glorious Nation of Malaysia’.  Coincidently, this program is the brainchild of Mr. Borat Sagdiyev. Borat mentioned that he mooted this idea to the Datuk Seri Nabij since Malaysia is well known for organizing many study tours for their ministers and government officials. Datuk Seri Nabij also announced that former Chief Minister of Selangor, Datuk Kirl Toyol will spearhead this study tour, since he has vast experience with study tours.

It was also mentioned in Wisma Putra’s statement that Datuk Seri Nabij also attended the 9th World Seminar on Proper Submarine Purchase Methodologies. The Malaysian Prime Minister is a patron to this event, ever since Malaysia purchased the Scorpene submarines in 2002. The statement also said that as a person with wide experience in submarine purchase, Datuk Seri Nabij had made it his responsibility to share his valuable experience at the seminar. This is a laudable act by a head of state.

Apart from this seminar, the Malaysian Prime Minister also attended the 2nd Asian Workshop on Prevention of Fighter Jet Engine Theft at Air Bases. The theme of this year’s workshop is ‘The Malaysian Experience’. Datuk Seri Nabij presented this important case study to the workshop participants, which included Defense Ministers from around Asia. The statement said that the participants appreciated the case study shared by the beloved Malaysian Prime Minister.

The highlight of the Malaysian Prime Minister’s visit was the launching of the study tour program ‘Cultural Learning of Kazakhstan to Make Benefit the Glorious Nation of Malaysia’. Among those who attended this launch were the President and Prime Minister of Kazakhstan. The launch went well with the exception of an embarrassing moment for the Malaysian Prime Minister while delivering his speech.

“Malaysia and Kazakhstan are great countries. There is a lot that both countries can learn from each other. Through this study tour, while we learn about the culture in Kazakhstan, we also hope to share with Kazakhstan about good governance. In Malaysia, my fellow ministers and I are very honest people. We understand and practice openness, honesty and transparency, which we know are vital if the people are to have faith that their government is working for them and not for itself” the Malaysian Prime Minister said followed by chuckles and giggles from the audience.

It was reported that the beloved Malaysian Prime Minister became perplexed upon seeing the reaction from the audience.

He nevertheless continued “We should be prepared to walk the talk…” Before he could finish there was laughter from the audience.

Looking agitated, he continued, “Good governance comes naturally to Muslim nations like Malaysia…….” By now, the laughter from the crowd was deafening. Datuk Seri Nabij, who at this point became very angry, shouted “What’s so funny, huh?” The laughter subsided.

A Kazakhstan government official was then seen running upstage and whispered something to the Malaysian Prime Minister. Suddenly the Malaysian Prime Minister’s face turned as red as his lips and he looked embarrassed. He was seen immediately trying hard to pull up his flyer but later we understand that it was stuck.

The official then announced to the audience that they will end the speech and proceed to the group photograph session. Immediately after the photograph session, the beloved Malaysian Prime Minister quickly ran backstage.

The Malaysian Prime Minister Keeping His Legs Closed and Looking Embarrased

We later spoke to the Kazakhstan government official and asked him what had happened. “I was not sure initially. But when I heard the people chuckling and giggling, I thought that they simply could not believe the guy’s speech. I mean listening to him speak about openness, honesty, transparency and all that. Come on, we are not born yesterday. But later when I asked my colleague, who was also giggling, he pointed to the Malaysian Prime Minister’s crotch. That was when I realized his private part was sticking out. So I immediately ran upstage…”

Nevertheless, Datuk Seri Nabij’s visit to Kazakhstan was reportedly a big success with trillions of dollar in investment deals being inked. When asked what these investment were, upon his earlier than scheduled arrival at KLIA, the Malaysian Prime Minister said “We will announce in due time. These are confirmed deals. But I cannot make public the details for the time being. But these are confirmed deals”

Filed under: World, , , , , ,

Breaking News – Malaysian Indian Party (MIC) Ex-President and Ex-Malaysian Works Minister, Datuk Seri Semi Value, Finally Found

Ipoh (7th June) – The entire media fraternity was excited when news on the whereabouts of Ex-MIC president, Datuk Seri Semi Value, was passed on by an anonymous caller to a local Tamil daily.

The anonymous caller, who identified himself as Nice Black Man, had called the office of Tamil Batu Nisan, a popular Malaysian Tamil newspaper, and disclosed the secret location of the ex-minister.

Semi Value had disappeared from the Malaysian political and media scene after he quit as President of MIC, a post he has held for aeons.

Soon after, news of Mr. Value disappearance hogged the media headlines and this even prompted speculations that he had committed suicide by consuming paraquat, a practice constantly extolled by the Tamil cinema.

When journalist arrived at the Jelapang Toll Booth, the place where Semi Value was claimed to be, he was seen handing out toll tickets.

Upon seeing the big group of reporters, he tried to hide in the booth. But he later re-appeared with a smile and told the reporters that he is busy at work and can only see them during his lunch break.

As the reporters waited, they saw how Semi Value was carrying out his duty with such passion and dedication.

“He was totally absorbed in his work. I have never seen anyone work with such passion..,” said one reporter.

While waiting for Semi Value, a few reporters stopped some drivers to get their view on Semi Value.

“Halo auntie, you ada kenal itu orang dekat itu toll, ka?” asked a reporter to a old Chinese lady driver. (Do you recognize that guy at the toll booth?)

“Sapa…itu India..ka. Aiyah tatau laa eetu siaapa. Sayaa takut lo tenguk dia. Rambut macam hantuu..Muka macam samseng..” she replied. (Who? That Indian Man? I was afraid looking at him. Horrible hair and he looks like a gangster.)

“Tapi auntie, itu ialah Semi Value, kita punya menteri, laa” said the reporter trying to bring some excitement into the Chinese lady. (But Auntie, that guy is our former minister)

“Aiyah menteri kaa…..semua tipuu punya laa. Semua tarak guna lancau punya laaa….tipu olang jugak….” she said as she drove off. (Minister? All are cheats and useless)

Finally Semi Value was seen walking out of his booth. The reporters dashed to meet him.

“Hi, Datuk Seri, how long have you been working here,” a reporter asked.

“Iiiee have been working fer sometime.” Semi Value replied.

“But sir, why work at a toll booth?” came another question.

“This has been my passion ever since I was a small kid. I had always wanted to be a toll booth operator. It was my dream. My father used to beat me. He said I am useless and that I am only fit to become a sewage worker or garbage collector. That is your destiny, he said.

He said I had no chance of becoming a toll booth operator. I cried day and night. But deep inside this passion was burning. I laid out a plan and I worked towards it.

I told myself, if I am going to be a toll booth operator, I need to control the Public Works department and then build highways and set-up toll booths so I can work in them.

So now, my dream has come true. I have done it,” he said with tears in his eyes.

“This was the only reason why I became a Works minister. I have finally achieved my dream…,” he continued with tears rolling down his cheeks.

The reporters were confused and were not sure if they should share Semi Value’s grievances.

“Woi Semi! Apa lu bikin sama? Time makan sudah habis laaa. Cepat masuk kerja….” Semi’s supervisor was heard shouting from the office. (Hey Semi! Lunch time is over. Get back to work)

“Ok…ok…I have to go. Ok ahhhh…” Semi Value said as he hastily left for his booth.

Semi Value Taking His Work Very Seriously

Filed under: Local, Politics, , , , ,

Garden or Grass Snakes Can Be Very Dangerous

Garden snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous Yes, grass or garden snakes, not rattlesnakes.

Here’s why –

A couple in  Sweetwater,  Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze.

It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa.

She let out a very loud scream.

The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa.

He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor.

His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance.

The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.

About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That’s when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital.

The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief.

But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa.

The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her.

The neighbor’s wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband’s mouth on the woman’s mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches.

The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man’s throat.

By now, the police had arrived.

They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake!

The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife.

Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car.

Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out). 

Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world.

A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night.

And that’s when he shot her.

Filed under: Jokes, , ,

KFC Malaysia Launches 1Malaysia Meal and Expected to be a Big Hit with Malaysians

Kuala Lumpur – KFC Malaysia today launched their latest meal package in support of the 1Malaysia concept mooted by the beloved Malaysian Prime Minister.

According to its CEO, Mr. Mamat, ever since the beloved Prime Minister mooted the idea of 1Malaysia, KFC Malaysia has been working hard to formulate a meal package that resonated with this concept and also something that has a true Malaysian flavor to it.

After many creative endeavors, which lasted months, they have finally succeeded. The new meal package, which has, as its main offering, chicken wings from the exquisite Mongolian chicken and local meatballs, is called the 1Malaysia Meal.

The KFC Malaysia design team, in an effort to create a stronger Malaysian look, has also replaced their signature Colonel Saunders face with that of Colonel Nabij, who was also a former defense chief and decorated war hero.

“Why do we need an American hero? We have our own local hero. Malaysia boleh…” said Mr Mamat.

Many who have tried the new meal package, described it as having a burnt and plasticy taste.

“That is the 1Malaysian flavor. This ‘explosive’ new flavor reflects everything happening presently in Malaysia and will definitely gain a lot of popularity among Malaysians. It will take Malaysia by storm!” said Mr. Mamat in response to the feedback.

The 1Malaysia Meal

Filed under: Local, , , ,

Life makes me laugh

Life is full of fun and humor. Take it with a laugh

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