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Beloved Malaysian Prime Minister Launches the 1Malaysia Meal Coupon To Enable All Malaysians To Have Proper Meals

MECCA (4th November 2011): The beloved Prime Minister of Malaysia, Datuk Seri Haji Nabij today launched the 1Malaysia Meal Coupon in Mecca.

This is another product introduced by the beloved Prime Minister under his 1Malaysia line of products. Among other products recently introduced under the 1Malaysia brand includes the 1Malaysia Meal, 1Malaysia Menu, Kedai 1Malaysia, 1Malaysia Housing Program, 1Malaysia Clinic and others.

The 1Malaysia Meal Coupon

The 1 Malaysia Meal Coupon can be purchased by all Malaysian from post offices nationwide for the price of RM3 per coupon, from 8th November onwards. An individual is only entitled to 5 coupons per week and only Malaysian above the age of 21 years are eligible to purchase these coupons. The coupon will allow Malaysians to purchase meals worth RM13 for the price of RM3 from all participating restaurants.

Several hundred thousand of illegal immigrants, who were recently granted Malaysian citizenship, are also eligible to purchase these coupons, regardless of age. Each immigrant is also entitled to 5 coupons per week but in addition to this they will also receive 5 free coupons which allows them to purchase a slice of one-side buttered bread.

When asked why this additional coupon for new citizens, the Prime Minister replied that this is given as a token to welcome the new citizens and also to remind them which side to lean when the time comes. He didn’t elaborate further.

On the coupon, the beloved Prime Minister is pictured chatting up a cashier and displaying a dish to show Malaysians what they will be entitled for, with the RM3 coupon. He said that the dish, which includes 2 cups of rice, two pieces of chicken, fried beef, bean sprouts and papadam, and with an actual cost of RM13, will be made the official 1Malaysian Meal and will complement the 1Malaysia Meal introduced by KFC. To avoid any confusion, this new dish will be called 1Malaysia Meal 2.0. He also cautioned Malaysians that the cashiers are off-limits.

During his speech, the beloved Prime Minister mentioned that he is constantly thinking about the Malaysian people. And this idea to introduce the 1Malaysian Meal Coupon came like a flash to him. He went on to say that all these efforts undertaken by him and the BN government shows how much they care for the Malaysian people. He reminded Malaysians to count their blessings as he is presently doing at the Holyland.

The launch ceremony was abuzz with the catchy 1Malaysia Meal Coupon phrase “Now everyone can eat”.

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Filed under: Jokes, Politics, , , ,

Beloved Malaysian Prime Minister Nabij Razik Launches 1Malaysia Kedai Rakyat or the People’s Store to Help Malaysians Survive in Malaysia

Kuala Lumpur, 28th June 2011 – Last Wednesday, the beloved Prime Minister of Malaysia, Datuk Seri Nabij Razik launched the first of many 1Malaysia Kedai Rakyat or The People’s Store in the country.

He mentioned that the launch of the store showed that the 1Malaysia concept is not just a slogan but it took care of the essential needs of Malaysians. He said he was always concerned for the people since they find it hard to survive in Malaysia.

By having such stores around the country, the government can ensure that the people have access to the essential items which are vital for their survival in Malaysia.

Malaysians Gathered Early To Shop At The 1Malaysia Store

Malaysians all over the country were overjoyed upon hearing news of the 1Malaysia store. The night before the launch, a large crowd had gathered and camped outside the first 1Malaysia store at Kelana Jaya. They had gathered early to grab the essential survival items being sold.

Shoppers at the store were all given a free door gift which was a pin-poster of the beloved Malaysian Prime Minister. Most shoppers, in their frenzy to shop, simply skipped the door gift or just threw it away.

Apart from rice, sugar, eggs and other basic groceries, the store’s also offers essential survival items that will guarantee the well being of Malaysians in present day Malaysia.

The much anticipated item among Malaysians is the Bersih 2.0 detergent. Although doubtful the item will be sold at the 1Malaysia store, Malaysians harbored a glimmer of hope. Bersih 2.0 detergent is considered the most essential item by Malaysians from a poll that was conducted recently.

But their doubts were confirmed subsequent to the launch when shoppers found that the Bersih 2.0 detergent is not sold at

The Pin-Up Poster of the Beloved Malaysian Prime Minister

the 1Malaysia store. When en-quired, a store personnel just shrugged his shoulder and said ta tau (dunno).

Nevertheless, the 1Malaysia store offers many other essential survival items specially selected by the Malaysian government for Malaysians. These items are deemed essential for the well-being of Malaysians.

Among the many items is the miniature or spy cameras and its detectors.

“The government not only takes care of well-being of Malaysian, but we also keep tabs with the latest fad or trend that is sweeping the country. And we realized that Malaysians are currently fascinated with spy-shooting films. This is the current craze in Malaysia and we know it,” Nabij said.

From a fad, both the miniature or spy camera and the detectors have become essential items for survival in Malaysia and this has been recognized by the Ministry of Domestic Trade, Cooperatives and Consumerism. The ministry said that it is currently studying a proposal to classify these items as essential for survival and will look into regulating its prices.

Malaysia's Valiant and Ferocious Warrior with the Keris

Another essential survival item is the keris (traditional dagger) famously brandished by the great Malaysian warrior, Hisapputing. The keris, which is made in China, retails for RM10.99. The keris can be bought together with a life-sized Chinese-made mannequin for training purposes.

Essential books are also sold at these stores to educate Malaysians on the 1Malaysia concept and basics of survival in Malaysia. Some of the popular books sold at these stores include the famous Interlok book which retails for RM0.99 for Indians and RM4.99 for non-Indians.

“This book has been deemed important by the Malaysian government for Malaysians of all races so they understand their origins. They must understand their background and how lucky they are to be in Malaysia. This is essential and in-line with the 1Malaysian concept,” Nabij said.

Other popular books include Dummies Guide on Surviving in Malaysia – Tips for the Pendatangs, which is an essential read for the Indians and Chinese while the Malays are encouraged to read Understanding and Embracing UMINO – The Only Way to Salvation.

Another book that has helped transform many ordinary Malaysians into prominent politicians and successful

The Cover of Metamorphosis into A Malay - From Roti Canai Seller to Prominent Bumiputra

businessmen is the The Metamorphosis into a Malay – From Roti Canai Seller to Prominent Bumiputra.

In the leisure and travel section, there are fully-subsidized government one-way travel tickets to China and India which is expected to soar in popularity soon.

Another hot item from this section includes The Box Set DVD Collection of Hit Sex Videos of Famous Malaysians.

“The government understands that Malaysians are sex-crazed and we would like to encourage this. This is important if we are to achieve our 70 million population target,” Nabij said.

Nabij said that next the government plans to open up Restoran Rakyat (The People’s Restaurant), which will serve the famous 1Malaysia Meal.

Filed under: Local, Politics, , , , , ,

Minister Says Cyber Attack on Malaysian Government Website by Internet Hackers Group, Anonymous, is Not Fair and an Act of Cowardice

Kuala Lumpur, 22nd June 2011 – The recent attack on Malaysian government websites by internet hackers, Anonymous, will not be taken lightly by the Malaysian government. Malaysia’s most intelligent, highly cultured and Malaysia’s answer to the always-showing-off-their-academic-credentials Singaporean ministers, Minister of Information, Communication and Culture, Datuk Seri Rice Latim, said that the attack on the websites are uncalled for and not fair.

The Minister demonstrating a back-up silat move he plans to use to fend off the cyber attack

He mentioned that the hackers did not stick to their agreed attack time and had instead launched the attack earlier. “This is an act of cowardice and not gentlemanly. They did not keep their word and attacked while we were working on our contract with the Cyber Troopers,” he said. He went on to say that he could have prevented the attack if the hackers had stuck to their scheduled attack time. He also said that the Malaysian government will go after the perpetrators.

We were later made to understand that the Malaysian government, in preparation to fend off the attack from the hackers, had solicited the help of Malaysia’s foremost defense expert and highly acclaimed government advisor, Mr. Razik Badigna. Mr. Badigna had flown in all the way from United Kingdom, his current place of residence.

Mr. Badigna was instrumental in providing expert advice to the Malaysian government in the highly publicized submarine purchase deal. It is a well known fact that Mr. Badigna commands a very high fee for his services and it was rumored that he was paid a commission of RM500 million for assisting the Malaysian government with the submarine purchase. But his expert advice is worth every penny according to the Malaysian Defense Ministry.

Mr. Badigna flew in at very short notice and was asked to act as middleman in contracting the services of the Cyber Troopers to fend off the cyber attack and also provide total cyber security solutions. Mr. Badigna was tasked with establishing a Bumiputra private limited company, Perlimekap Sdn Bhd and managing a budget of RM500 million from the Malaysian government, for the project. The company was to seal a partnership deal with the Cyber Troopers and represent the Malaysian government in all dealings with the Cyber Troopers.

But despite Mr. Badigna’s involvement, the deal with the Cyber Troopers fell through at the very last minute.

Temjin during the interview with NHK

Later, Temjin, the chief spokesperson for the Cyber Troopers, in an interview with NHK mentioned that Mr. Badigna, had asked them to lower their fee to RM5 million for their services but they declined. This is lower than the RM50 million quoted by the Cyber Troopers through a closed tender exercise conducted by the Ministry of Information, Communication and Culture.

“No can do work for 5 million, nae? Cannot cover cost, nae. He say minister no agree to cost, nae. Why cannot pay 50 million, nae? I hear budget is 500 million, nae. Fakku, nae. Kuso kurae…..Minister bakayarou, nae,” Temjin said looking very angry during the interview with NHK.

Due to the collapse of the deal with the Cyber Troopers, the Malaysian government websites were

A webphoto of a minister that was defaced by the hackers

left vulnerable and were attacked by hackers, both foreign and local. Many of the websites were hacked and photos of Malaysian ministers were defaced.

Datuk Seri Rice Latim, who had given assurance that the attack will be prevented, could not be reached for comment subsequent to the attack. It was claimed that he was upset with the involvement of Mr. Badigna and other government departments in the tender exercise.  He has since flown to Indonesia for some unfinished personal business.

Meanwhile it was also purported that the government had paid Mr. Badigna for his services although the actual payout could not be determined.

Filed under: Local, Politics, , , , ,

KFC Malaysia Launches 1Malaysia Meal and Expected to be a Big Hit with Malaysians

Kuala Lumpur – KFC Malaysia today launched their latest meal package in support of the 1Malaysia concept mooted by the beloved Malaysian Prime Minister.

According to its CEO, Mr. Mamat, ever since the beloved Prime Minister mooted the idea of 1Malaysia, KFC Malaysia has been working hard to formulate a meal package that resonated with this concept and also something that has a true Malaysian flavor to it.

After many creative endeavors, which lasted months, they have finally succeeded. The new meal package, which has, as its main offering, chicken wings from the exquisite Mongolian chicken and local meatballs, is called the 1Malaysia Meal.

The KFC Malaysia design team, in an effort to create a stronger Malaysian look, has also replaced their signature Colonel Saunders face with that of Colonel Nabij, who was also a former defense chief and decorated war hero.

“Why do we need an American hero? We have our own local hero. Malaysia boleh…” said Mr Mamat.

Many who have tried the new meal package, described it as having a burnt and plasticy taste.

“That is the 1Malaysian flavor. This ‘explosive’ new flavor reflects everything happening presently in Malaysia and will definitely gain a lot of popularity among Malaysians. It will take Malaysia by storm!” said Mr. Mamat in response to the feedback.

The 1Malaysia Meal

Filed under: Local, , , ,

Beloved Malaysian Prime Minister Gives Important Explanation on Why RON 95 Petrol, Diesel and LPG Prices Were Not Increased

The situation in the small press room was tense in anticipation of the important explanation by the beloved Prime Minister of Malaysia. Reporters from around the world had gathered here from morning to secure vantage positions. The poor ventilation and the dilapidated air-conditioning made the situation in the room even more unpleasant. Everyone was sweating and some could be seen sticking their heads out the window to get some fresh air. The Prime Minister is expected to give an important explanation on why the RON95 petrol prices were not increased.

Suddenly the side door to the room opened and a bodyguard briskly walked in followed by the beloved Malaysian Prime Minister Nabij Razik, flanked by few other bodyguards and officials. We understand the Prime Minister arrived from Tokyo Disneyland. The reporters became frantic and were hurriedly pulling out their voice recorders and note pads. Everyone rushed to the front to get closer to the rostrum.

The Prime Minister was by now positioned at the rostrum. He looked hard across the room at all the reporters gathered there. The room was quiet all of a sudden with only whispers heard every now and then. “Wow, it is true what they say about his cherry-red lips. First time I am seeing it up close,” one reporter was heard whispering to his friend.

“The plight of my rakyat (people) is more important to me that anything else in this world” he started off without any pleasantries. “I will not budge for anything, if it involves the interest of my beloved rakyat. They are the ones that I work for and they are the ones I have devoted my life to. I wanted to become Prime Minister so that I could better serve the rakyat. That was my aim and sole purpose in life. I understand my rakyat’s sufferings. I know because I am constantly in touch with them. I can feel their pain. That is why I warned my ministers not to increase the RON95 petrol and diesel prices.”

“It is hard for the government to sustain the subsidies. We had initially budgeted RM11billion but because of the increase in the world oil prices, the amount of subsidies have ballooned to RM20 billion. This has affected the government financials. But I said to my ministers – never mind. The government will take this hit. We are here for the rakyat. We cannot burden them unnecessarily.”

“I hope the rakyat will appreciate what I am doing for them. I hope they understand how much we have done for them. You press people, please make the rakyat understand. Tell them that, from a macro economic perspective, maintaining such a huge subsidy is not good governance. I look like a fool taking such a stance but I am doing this for the rakyat. Please explain to them in simple terms as the rakyat does not understand macro economics.”

“Please do your part in explaining this to them properly, ok. For all the government has done for the rakyat, I still find that the rakyat does not appreciate it.”

“Why do you say that, sir?” asked an English reporter

The Prime Minister Looking Very Annoyed

“Look at the Sarawak elections. We have done much for the people there, but still they do not appreciate it. Especially a certain race, who are ungrateful of my government’s efforts. Sometimes I am getting fed-up with all this.  Why do anything for the rakyat, when they don’t reciprocate? We bring development and they vote for the opposition. Look at Selangor, Penang…….. What is wrong with the rakyat?

Suddenly he was quiet, realizing he was getting emotional and had veered off the subject. But  he still looked agitated. “I don’t know what the rakyat want? What more do they want, huh? They always want more. Never satisfied with whatever we have done. If I wanted to, I could have turned this country into Zimbabwe, but I didn’t. This is what I want the rakyat to see. Please laa…. Be thankful for what you have.”

“Ok, ok, thats all I have.  Come…lets have your questions”, said the Prime Minister in haste.

“Latuk Seli, how wrong can the gaawermen sustaining the subsidees, ah?” asked a timid looking female reporter from Sin Chew On It, a popular Malaysian Chinese daily.

The Shocked Chinese Reporter

“What…you think I am God, ah? I don’t control the oil prices laa. Please do not ask me stupid questions” lashed out the Prime Minister.

“Sir, what measures are you taking to reduce the impact of the subsidy on the government finances?” asked another reporter.

“We are taking alternative measures” Nabij replied

“What are these measures?” the reporter followed-up.

“As I said, these are alternative measures. I don’t have all the details yet, ok. I am a busy man. Let the relevant ministries finish their “kertas kerja” (working paper) and we will let you know.” he replied.

“Sir, are you doing all this because there could be a general election soon?” asked a Malaysian reporter.

“I already said don’t ask me stupid questions. I already told you that I am doing this for the rakyat. Do not connect everything I am doing with general election laa. Why are you people so shallow? Why can’t you accept that we are doing all this simply because we care for the rakyat? Is that so difficult to accept?” the Prime Minister replied looking very upset.

“Sir, there are many reports on corruption with notable cases such as the Malaysian Royal Customs, the PKFZ scandal, the submarine purchase, to name a few. The cost due to corruption and subsidies to crony companies runs into the billions. Don’t you think if the government can minimize or eradicate corruption and plug leakages in the system, the government might be able to afford these subsidies?” asked a reporter from Singapore.

The Prime Minister Hitting His Head

“Submarine purchase!!!” Nabij retorted looking very annoyed. “That commission was only RM500 million la. Here I am talking about a deficit of RM9billion. Can’t you do the maths? Did you go to school or not?” Suddenly Nabij recoiled and was silent. He had his palm to his forehead. Clearing his throat, he continued in a calmer tone, “Yes, yes, the government is working on those leakages. We have already taken certain measures on the customs and the PKFZ issues and many other cases. We are plugging all the holes. Ok,  ok, thats all the time I have…”

He left the rostrum and walked out of the room hurriedly followed by his officials and bodyguards. He was seen hitting his head as he was leaving.

Filed under: Local, Politics, , , , , , , , , ,

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